The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
