its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
