Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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