shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
