ya dads aren't the best wingmen
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
