totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
I did not marry a roomba.
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