Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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