very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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