I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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