I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
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