Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
He shit in the fireplace
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
