hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
