the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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