I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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