Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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