1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
