I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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