i barfeds in our rink
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
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