I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
