Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
