go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
