instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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