You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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