He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Randomize
