So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
