Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
