So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
