i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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