How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
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