I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
