So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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