You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
