eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Randomize
