no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
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