Nicole vs. Life
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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