this beer tastes like vomit already
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
