OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
