she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
