Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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