Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
