it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
