I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I'm sobbing to NWA
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
