what if every blade of grass was a penis?
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
