we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Floor bacon is actually really good
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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