i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
this is an emotional support booty call
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Randomize
