The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
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