Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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