I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
