i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
