im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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