Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
