Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
She announced her abortion via fbk
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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