I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
