Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
