She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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